Journey to Motherhood

Remembering my journey to motherhood as Aarush turns one year old. After 4 years of marriage and lot of traveling around Europe Santanu decided to move back to India to find a better professional career. Life as couple was not full of hip and happening but we were happy and carefree about the same. I use to scorn at people whenever brought up kids in topic; balked at elders. After getting back to India this pressure was getting on me. It seems no one bothered Santanu ever on this matter.
With time finally made a decision to walk on a family way after 3 and half years – although we knew it was not an easy journey but still.. At first we were completely ignorant on this matter. I did every such thing which one should not do; with the thought that when other pregnant women can do job why can’t I? So got into locals, bus, trams, climbed flight of stairs, did moping ,brooming, cleaning, had papaya almost every day and what not. Result : on stepping in fourth month had unavoidable abortion.
I took five months of rest before thinking on it again as per doctors advice. Somewhere I felt my biological clock was ticking fast. If not wrong, Santanu didn’t had any interest left on this matter; may be he was scared to walk on this path again. With lots of discussion and doctors second opinion finally for second time a life formed inside me. Although it was not “aha” moment as family faced untimely loss of Santanu’s father almost at same time.
Before conceiving only I was told by doctor that I have to be in bed rest completely (which I didn't took much seriously at that time). Even was asked to quit from job and stop doing any household work. It took me a while to find a helping hand who would take care of domestic chores. Under medical ground I was not considered normal like 95% other women which was difficult for me to accept.
The journey started; everyday was full of anxiety and fear. Each time I prayed frantically for my kid’s safe arrival. At times, life was difficult as well different and you never know how this journey will end up.
Certain times I felt like entrapped with well wishers whom I wanted to avoid. Your very own people sometimes don’t allow you to be in peaceful mood. For some it was time to challenge me rather then giving me courage. And there was no easy way out for me to escape from all this situations. Everyone have their own say. For many it was time to make a big speculation whether it will be a girl or boy….I really don’t understand why people want to know when they have chosen to be a parent…after all how sex of kid matters.
Keeping excitement alive amidst the stress of baby-making with weathering storms of weekly injections to preparing for the birth of my dreams was not at all easy. I was administered almost 40 injections in this whole 9 months journey. Along with whole cocktail of nutritious food, medicines like folic acid, Susten, sujat, iron and calcium tablets – was to be taken regularly till end. Papaya and pineapple was big NO this time.
To make things complicated Santanu had to travel for a month form work to Singapore. It was pretty scary at time, but looking back may be it happened for good. The only time I was allowed to venture out of the four walls was routine monthly check up with my gynecologist. Each time I used to find the streets had changed from the last time as some new shops, new pot holes and new buildings had come up.
With maturity of months I was asked to cut on salt, sugar, spice from my diet which was very difficult for foodie person like me. Not only that beside house arrest bed rest was imposed on to me from 6th month after cs got stitched. It happened all of a sudden after second ultrasonography I was admitted on the very moment and had to spent 4 days in hospital. After getting discharged my life was even worse like a bird in a cage at times.
I was only permitted to get out of bed for toilet and shower. My bed was inclined from leg side. Sleeping like a log on one side was really tough. People who have met me personally knew my condition. Before Santanu left for his office he use to keep laptop, books , phone on my side so that I can shuffle among them. It was a daily routine which went on till d-day. One doctor used to come each week to give injections.
My parents visited me for baby shower on the seventh month. On one hand, each time I felt movement in my belly, my heart use to fill with joy with the very thought that soon I'll hold my little girl or boy while on other hand I was not allowed to stand even in the balcony to get a glimpse of the out side world.

In the first week of January doctor removed the stitches and asked me to move around in the house. It felt so awkward carrying extra weight and was scared of doing something stupid at end of the journey. I was counting every moment when finally we will meet. Taking advantage of doctor's permission, for first time I visited a baby shop to pick the basic needful. At the end my doctor opted for a planned c-section as she did not wanted to take any risk. And I was admitted a night in advance. I could not sleep much in anxiety and neither did any one who were around me. My parents came a month before my delivery to help us.
On long awaited d-day when baby was taken out of my belly; someone slapped I suppose which was followed by high-pitched squeak and wailing around 12.07 PM looking as though the little one has just been in a fist-fight ( bluish, covered with blood and cream-cheesy glop) yeak.....
After a while, one nurse came to me saying “Pamela its male child” carrying too delicate baby wrapped in green cloth with short neck, chubby cheeks, tiny curled fists, pink toes, quivering eyes, puckered lips and button nose.

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